Sorry, this is another rant.
Mom and Dad, I must say, It is kind of unfair.
It is kind of unfair you jump to her needs and wants.
While you make me wait for everything, is it because she is younger?
Probably.
Is it because you want on her good side.
Probably.
Every year around her birthday, which is in the summer, you give her huge birthday parties, usually a pool or BBQ thing, where you invite everyone.
And you buy her everything on her list.
While every year around my birthday, which is in fall/winter, we seem to run low on money, even though you it's been like this since summer.
Every year for the last six years, I have had small sleepover parties, you only allow me to invite 4, maybe 6 people.
Every year I do this happily, because I think it's fun and you said if I have small parties, that I could get something big, I really only want some art supplies and SAI or the money to buy some stuff. and so far most of my parties have been fun,but you got me a necklace and earring set that I wanted and a bag of kisses, and most of my friends are 2 or more years younger.
Her age.
So she gets to take over the party, because they 'bond' better,
while I hang out with the one or two girls my age that I know.
Last year I waited a month to have my birthday party because a friend said we could have it in her giant basement, I agreed because we have no space in our house.
This year no one my age could come, and I sat on the sofa with you, and watched tv while the rest of the girls sat and played together.
You didn't care, you just sat there and watched HGTV with me.
I like hanging out with you, but you never notice that I have almost no real life friends my age, I'm scared to talk to these twelve year old girls about /anything/ because their parents might not like it.
The one girl my age that use to live across the street never liked to talk with me or was too busy for me, and I was scared to say anything anyways, I didn't want to offend her or have her little sisters walk in and hear about something that their parents don't want them to know.
And now I'm sitting here on dad's laptop because my screen died, and the excuse for not getting a new one is, we don't have any money,
He can't say that, because he goes out and buys things for his projects and things she wants.
The second her computer got a virus dad was on top of it, but for the last couple of months I've said, Something is wrong with my screen, can you see what it is?
Not now, because nobody has time for me anymore.
I always have to wait, while she gets whatever it is she wants at the moment.
She asks mom to get her candy or some sort of snack for City Market, mom jumps on it.
I ask for something and the answer is always, we don't have enough money or just plain no.
She wants a hamster or more chickens or chicken-like pets.
Okay! but only two, but she convinces dad to get four.
I say I only want a papillon puppy.
No.
I want to be an exchange student in New Zealand in 2013, mom barely listens, I haven't even talked to dad about it, because she is there, and she will bash the idea.
She gets a whole metal rack in the shower for her freaking rubber ducks, and I can't put my razor on it or hang my poof thingie.
I have to find something that will hold my two things that doesn't fall apart.
She gets the dresser and half the closet to put her cloths and stuff in.
I get two drawers and part of the closet.
She gets new craft stuff whenever she needs it.
I would like some better inking pens and nice copic or faber castel markers.
But no, because drawing manga isn't something you like, while her crafts take over most of 'our' desk.
You never even look at my artwork, if you did, you might just see how depressed I am.
You don't treat me like you treat her.
You let her get by with insulting me, bashing everything I like or do.
But if I try to get back at her, you yell at me, because I hurt your 'baby.'
I am the one who sits and listens to you, and I try my best to comfort you, to make you feel better, and I like helping.
But you won't do the same for me.
My friends that I have never met in real life listen and help.
But of course trying to meet them won't happen until after I move out.
I can't go hang out with friends from manga class, you said I couldn't go to Wasabicon with them this year because you don't trust them.
Or me.
Anything I want to do, like clogging or volleyball or DI, if I sign up and go, She has to come too.
This is why all my friends are her age, because I have to be with her.
All the time, I can't go places because she wants to stay at the house and you don't want us to be alone here.
But if I want to stay, but she wants to go, well, I have to go anyways.
I want to hang out at the library, well, she doesn't so, no.
I want to hang out at the skate park or mall or something.
No.
I can't go see my friends without her coming too.
But if she doesn't want me there, well, I can't come.
All she does is talk about chickens and farmville.
This is why I said she can't come to manga class anymore, because she embarrasses me, then if I say or do anything, she tattles.
You say if someone starts something, to come and get you.
You yell at me when I come and get you, because it's late and you don't want to get all stressed out before going to bed.
She does it at night because she knows this.
You will never get it.
I just want the attention to be on me for once, she gets everything she wants.
I am shy and can't get up the nerve to say this to you.
I told you I have I blog, two blogs actually, I was hoping you'd go to find it, because you use to say not to make one, I wasn't going to nicely give you the URL for it either, just so you'd think there was bad things on it.
So you'd bother to read it.
So you might see what I feel like.
What it feels like to be left out of everything.
I was hoping you would go through my iPod and see what kind of music I listen too.
Because you use to be so over protective of everything.
I want you to see that the music I listen to is depressing.
That I have crushes.
That I feel like she is treated like a princess.
That she does hurt me.
When I first started talking on forums because nobody in my life would talk to me.
That I talk about WHILS and dA because, maybe you would say something back.
I wanted to help with mom's horses and training them, but I didn't know how, and I was scared of the bigger ones for a while.
You don't know how much fun I had when I got to hang out with Fredi and her friends at the football game.
They didn't seem to care that I am home schooled or that it was the first time I met them, the included me in the photos they took and they let me talk to them.
But I probably can't go again, because you don't like to see if I can hang out on Saturdays with them, you would rather use me as free help, I don't mind it, it is fun going places with you, I beg to go with you to Grand Junction and places, because I might get to talk to you about stuff, but again, I am scared to try, I'm scared you will get mad at me for asking about something.
But sometimes I'd rather hang out with my friends, like when Fredi had the fundraiser dance thing, I really wanted to go, but you forgot about it.
There have been other things like this, but you forget or don't want to drive me.
It is always the same.
I have already taken up your time, if you've read this, sorry for that.
I might make a part two.
~Savannah.
