Hi, My name is Savannah, and I have issues.

I have issues with everything.

Depression.

My art.

Sadness.

Sleeping.

Eating.

Friends.

Food.

Loneliness.

Heights.

People.

Computers.

Music.

Animals.

Being Happy.

Making Friends.

Motivation.

Bullies.

Everything.

I am extremely depressed right now, 

I keep thinking of killing myself.

I would never kill myself, I just keep thinking about it.

I want to cry so badly, but if I cry, my parents will flip out, I don't want to have to bare an awkward conversation with my mom yelling at me again.
I want to talk to Mason, but he seems to be ignoring me. 

I miss him so much, I just want to talk to him, talking to him makes everything better.
It's like a remedy, Every time I talk to him, everything is better, even for a little while, I sleep better after I talk to him.

I am obsessing over little things, like Adam deleting my suggestion for a cheer off of our FB page, I MADE that page, and he has taken it over.

I want to disappear.
I want to talk to Mason.
I want my parents to finally understand me.

I drew this, if anyone cares.

I need to vent again -.-

You know how I've said how unfair my parents are?

Well, today I brought up the fact that my cell phone won't hold a charge for more than a few hours,the same phone my mom handed down to me because she thought I didn't need a brand new phone.

Well, everyone in this freaking house gets a BRAND NEW PHONE, besides me, I'm the only one who DIDN'T get to pick out the phone I wanted, no I have to have whichever one my mom no longer wants, so she could get a new HTC Hero.

Now all that stuff with phones happened last year, I've had my LG Lotus for a year, my mom had had it for a year, so it is two years old now.

Well, you cannot put apps or music on the LG Lotus, the browser barely works, it cannot read SD cards, so the pictures I took will probably never make it to a computer.

It took me about three months to beg my parents to let me have a cell phone again.

In late October, my sister asked for a cell phone, my parents said she could, no begging or anything, it took a few weeks to ship, it came here around my birthday.

For my birthday I had asked for an iPod touch 4th gen, 32GB, I said if I could have one or the money to buy one, then I'd have a small party. 

My party ended up costing about $278, I had some friends over for a sleep over, but the one girl my age that I knew, couldn't come because of some testing thing four hours away.

We planned the party a month after my birthday so everyone invited could come.

I got a necklace I had planned on buying and some Hershy Kisses.

I ended up buying the iPod touch I wanted with the money I had been saving for over a year and some help from my dad.

Through out the party, I sat alone while all the other girls, who are my sisters age, had a blast, nobody even seemed to realize it was MY party and that I had been left out.

But, I've already blogged about that.

Back to the phone thing, 

My mom said she was thinking about getting a new phone, there really isn't a reason for it.

But I was talking to my dad, mom wasn't there, he snapped at me that the phone wasn't really free, and that'd I'd have to come up with the money myself to pay the bill for it, if I really wanted it.

He snaps at me a lot, but nobody really cares, do they?

Computers are also an issue, I'm saving for a Toshiba Satellite I want, nobody cares.

But my desktop's screen died, dad isn't going to go out and buy me a new one, it's already been four weeks, even if he does, he is only looking at used ones, my desktop is a handy down too, I got it two years ago along with my tablet, it doesn't have much memory.

I'm using my dad's laptop, actually, it used to be mine.

It was one of the few nice things they actually bought for ME, but then it got hit with a virus, dad didn't bother fixing it until around the time I got my desktop, then he said it was he's and I wasn't allowed on it.

But since my desktop isn't usable at the moment, he said I could use it.

The only NEW things that I have that nobody else has had before me, are my iPod Touch and Tablet, things that I wanted, but I had to buy my iPod, and my tablet was on sale.

My sister gets everything, betcha if she asked for a new $700 laptop dad would go out and buy it for her.

The laptop I want is only $590...

and I'd even get it on sale, I just want something that WASN'T someone else's for once.

~MewMewSensei

Because nobody will listen.

I am depressed and sick of no one noticing.
I listen to everyone complain, I don't care what it is, I always listen and support them.
Nobody does that for me.

I've been interested in archery for, what is it, three or four years now.
Well, my dad, who is supposed to teach me how to shoot with a bow, but he'd rather take Mackenzie out shooting with her rifle.

I only have about three friends my age that hung out with me, two of which, live far away now.
The other is too busy to text/talk/IM me anymore, sometime's it feels like she is just ignoring me.

I can't even get people to talk to me online, I sat on iscribble for over an hour, waiting for someone to come into the same room as me.
even WHILS is ignoring me, every RP, topic and chat I make or comment on, dies.
Nobody bothers to talk to me on dA either, I am such novice that nobody bothers.

My mom won't ask me about anything, and I don't have enough courage to try to talk about anything expect manga and things I've read, then everyone complains that that is all I talk about.

I quit expecting anything or getting excited about anything, because once I do, mom or dad suddenly decide not to go/do whatever it was.

Everyone that likes me always end up moving away.

I'm not allowed to wear/get any of the styles I like.

Everyone besides Amanda, left class.

I'm the only one in the house that gets used or handy-down computers/phones/technology/furniture.

I can't go to any clubs/sports or meet any new people because I am home schooled or it's too far away, too much money, my parents just don't want to drive me.

My mom said she'd talk to her friend/partner-like person about me getting a small weekly job-type thing, but she always 'forgets' even though I put reminders on her cell phone.

I'm only posting this on here because I need to vent.

Here is a drawing/screenie of a drawing I made in iScribble, I made the Chibi, the other drawing belongs to someone else.