You've never liked me, I've known this for quite some time, I was in denial, I will admit that much.
But what is a girl to do?
I know you will always love my sister and your girlfriend more.
You've never been interested in me.
You gave up on my archery.
You gave up on Venturing, Which I joined because it was supposed to be something for us to do together.
You never call.
Or text.
Or email.
You just ignore me.
There has never been effort on your part.
It's always what Mackenzie wants to do.
It's always what Mackenzie wants.
Then, maybe if some money, or anything is left over, then maybe Savannah gets something.
I decided to leave, To move in with mom.
What did you do? You said "Okay" then went to go hang out with Mackenzie and your girlfriend.
You didn't care what I did.
You left me alone.
Now when I text or call to get the small remainder of my things back, All you do is tell me how much better my sister is, and how much of a failure I am.
When I text because my phone is supposed to be paid by you, I get accused of never trying to contact you.
I got a double helix piercing on Saturday. <3
Also, For my birthday(11.11.12) I got an ASUS Tablet and keyboard.
I got a PS3 though I'm buying it myself(Paying mom back I mean)
Oooh, Did I mention I live with my mom now? Because my dad is a heartless jerk unfit for being a father.
So now I live in Glenwood Springs, and I get to hang out with my boyfriend and friends and have fun.
"Going to the 13th Floor is cancelled because our Haunted House YOUR(S and L) room isn't finished"
what the hell?!? since when is this right? only OUR room wasn't up to par
so why cancel because you hate us? we could have gotten it done thank you very much!!!!
Honestly? We had a SINGLE EFFING THING TO DO.
We have to wait because of a TWENTY FOUR HOUR EPOXY.
So, I stayed up until TWO A.M. cleaning, so I could go?
You are really really getting on my nerves.
By the way i think i killed savannah a little bit...............sorry
"So we'll put up balloons to look like Slendy's face."
I AM SLENDY, EFF YOU. NOT SOME MUTHABUKKING BALLOONS. /Pops balloons/
Honestly they don't look like faces. they look like balloons.
they look like balloons that are just hanging out and doing whatever but maybe i don't
have an imagination?
"I didn't turn on your fog machine" -From a kid this time, a freaking annoying one that lies, constantly.
egiuwfgwkeufgwkjeugflqgrflwieufgl. I wish to through him out the window with the urinal.
with that being said, we arent stupid. we left WITH EVERYTHING OFF! and we come back and its fucking cloudy i feel like a cat coughing up a hairball and i cant see a few inches in front of my face.
Feel free to lie to us again and we may throw you out the window............of a moving bus that is.
"Oh yeah your wall got torn down" THE ACTUAL FUCK. WHY? AND THEN YOU YELL AT US ABOUT NOT HAVING ANYTHING DONE /IN/ THE ROOM. WELL WE JUST FIXED THE WALL FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME BECAUSE YOU AND YOUR ANNOYING BRAT OF A SON CAN'T NAVIGATE A LADDER THROUGH A ROOM.
LEAVE OUR DAMN WALLS ALONE! WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY EVER DO TO YOU?
THAT'S RIGHT NOTHING!!!LKASGRHASFKHFSDALK
It was later implied that we don't have control over what's in our room, and that infact, everyone else is in charge of it, we just put things together, but first we must read their minds.
Nooope.
Screw off. Mine. My room.
Not yours.
i will be very honest I DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING ABILITY! when you know how to get it let me know
i dont really want it but i can tell you where to shove it though............
Our crew leaders leave a lot of people out of the loop.
THIS WILL STOP! i don't really like this at all this is so stupid
why leave people out? it only makes me want to shoot you in the face with a brick
and besides its not nice.......and this is coming from me!
Bricks are amazing. Back to the point, I usually don't get told, unless they want me to tell others.
Most of the crew is high or not entirely there...
The only crew members I respect anymore are Mason, Xavier, Lindsay, and Dana... Common sense isn't so common, and they seem to want to merge with the douchebaggy older troop boys we have...
there's this wonderful thing called OPEN A DAMN DOOR learn it live it love it and maybe you'll survive..........
She's talking about how our crew president and two guys from another crew shut themselves into a room whilst painting.... They where very very high.
...with yaoi.
STOP MOLESTING MY BOYFRIEND, JACOB, YOU STUPID EFFING FREAK. He's a stupid perverted freak. i should know. he was staring at my ass for almost half an hour
and he should be locked in a room with yaoi and the spoiled brat. they would have fun....but i don't want to know about it . and kissing my brother's shoulder?!?!? that's just creepy KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF UNLESS YOU WANT TO LOSE YOUR..............
Nobody but Lindsay, Pat, Jacob and I where there one day, I put my music on, WHY THE HELL DID IT GET TURNED OFF? oh yeah, because only Adam, Acacia and Ladibel can play music. Kind of disrespectful, and really hurt, what happened to letting everyone get a chance, I cannot stand pop music... dubstep, same pop music over and over again, some weird shit i haven't heard of.....no thank you variety is very much appreciated "We have 800 bucks, which pretty much means that it is only going to us" -not exact quote, they've been implying that we need to not spend anything on our rooms, while they go and buy GOOD lumber, and GOOD things for their rooms, while we get SHITTY lumber and SHITTY things for ours.
I will die in the costume that you bought because it's a MAN'S SUIT, not a womans, and it is a MILLION sizes to big for me, and why can't we use any money? we've spent, maybe, $10 bucks? everything is not about you. we're in this too you know. so stop being selfish and share damn it. Shall we all go back to kindergarten and learn to share again?
That is it for now~ We will come back eventually, the crew is a nice place to find things to vent about. c:
Haunted House can be fun, but our leaders become utter jerks.
Yeh, I'm sorry, you want me to RUSH RUSH RUSH and HURRY UP and FINISH IN THREE SECONDS?
Oh, well, sorry NONE of us are going to focus on our manners, be happy that we are not cussing you out for being like this, cause I already feel like crap, you telling me why I am a failure, or taking away anything I need/want is just making me feel worse.
"Well...Shad said you barely acted in the room last year"
OH WELL I AM SO EFFING SORRY FOR NOT UNDERSTANDING WHAT ACTING IS, IT IS OBVIOUSLY JUST STANDING BEHIND A CURTAIN UNTIL THE LAST SECOND THEN MAKING A GRUNTING NOISE.
"Well... You can't be the victim in Mason's room cause you two are dating...You'll never shut up"
Soooo, YOU WANT ME TO ACT IN A ROOM WITH SOMEONE LIKE SHAD AGAIN?
He.pushed.me.into.the.props.I.had.bruises.
AND NOTICE THAT BEFORE YOU SAID THIS I SAT ACROSS FROM HIM WHILE YOUR DAUGHTER USED HIM TO GET AN AWARD AND I SAID /NOTHING// FOR AN HOUR.
"I'm sorry, but I don't think Lindsay or Levis is fit for this role in your room, They need to be small and run around quickly"
I EFFING THINK I KNOW WHO MY ROOM NEEDS, AND IT IS NOT A SMALL CHILD.
"Well...how are you going to hide your 'lady lumps" WELL... YOU SEE THERE IS THIS THING, IT IS CALLED "BINDING".
"More working, less goofing off" WE ARE NOT GOOFING OFF, WE ARE LAUGHING AND GIGGLING AS WE WORK BECAUSE WE ARE FRIENDS AND GIRLS, ALSO, WORK FOR THIS SHOULD BE FUN.
"Dana said she quit, and left for a day, you did the same thing without saying you quit" OKIE, HEY LADY, EFF THE HELL OFF, I DIDN'T SAY I QUIT CAUSE I DIDN'T QUIT. I TOOK A BREAK FROM YOU AND YOUR JERKISH WAYS.
"You need to be grateful for the parents and leaders help, This is YOUR haunted house" Really doesn't feel like it, yeh know, cause I haven't got to keep any of my ideas..at all. Also you are kind of a B-I-T-C-H.
So yeh, this is what I've dealt with since...September started. When I remember/hear more stupidity, I'll post it.
ya know when you love something yet have to go through all this hell for it?
and end up in tears and wonder "Why did I do this?"
Well...I can't say how I feel right now, they're starting to do that discreet bullying thing again, everything I try to do end up in "I don't think so"'s and I want to curl up and cry.
so apart from the Haunted house, I have moved across my small town, I now live with my dad, and my mom is going to end up in Glenwood eventually, I've agreed to part time, because honestly, my parents both treat me the same, they just want to be with my sister, I'm just the one that is there, that they have to figure out what to do with.
But, I've come up with a word for the three of my family members...
Immature.
It'd be nice to quietly work things out, but none of them will, it always turns into some stupid yelling match.
I think I'll just hide until I can see Mason, and then hide somemore.
I'm getting contacts for a month to see if I like them.
Well that'll be interesting(I'm getting them on Tuesday).
Also I'm moving within the next two-three weeks, and rest assured Amanda, I'm just moving into town(I tried to reply to your last comment but it won't alert you) I'll be in a duplex above City Market, So no biggie.
I'm going to go to a music in the park thing and then hiking on Sunday with my dad, sis, and a friend, We're night hiking up to Hanging Lake under the moon~
and last Saturday I went to a Flobots concert, and I got to hang out with the band(They're plain amazing, okay).
Until I had something decent to post.
But I am feeling really down, so I'm just going to try not to cry and just be sad for a bit.
I am incredibly lonely, although there are people around, I don't have anyone I feel safe talking to anymore, I don't have any pets,
I feel awful, I want to cuddle with someone and just cry but, like I said, there isn't anyone I would feel comfortable crying to.
I wish I had a pet.
I need someone who won't judge me,
I need someone who doesn't think I'm worthless.
Now dad says I can get an Akita, but only an Akita, he says no other breed.
I'm not allowed to get a cat, and Akitas are expensive and hard to get.
So, in the time I need a buddy the most, I'm not allowed to have one.
Why did Basia have to go?
Why did my buddy have to leave me when I truly needed that comfort?
why do human beings have to be so judgmental?
I'll disappear now, I guess, nobody probably even bothered to read any of this anyways.
I am getting my mom's old camera(Which is like, less than a year old!)
and going to Moab on Friday, I hope to get a lotta pictures with both cameras. c:
I am getting a root canal tomorrow. ;a;
But MOAB.
Moab is fuuuun, according to everyone in Scouts, this is an annual trip the troop and crew makes every year to see the carshow and go do things, I am signed up to go on a three mile bike trip, which should be nothing compared to my sister and my eight+ mile bike trips around to New Castle and back(I live about three miles out of town)
Ehehehehe and Mason is going biking as well, Dana and Sheabrea are going canyoneering with the other group. xD
My legs are so ugly, they are sunburnt and chubby. >:C
Whatever, I will where my adorable shorts cause they don't get caught in the chain of my bike. xD
Buying a tree from Field Direct Trees gives my Troop/Crew money to fund our trips, Field Direct Trees is only open to the public for ONE day, So stop on by, Meet some Scouts, There will be a concession stand from what I'm hearing. :)
At the Scout meeting last Tuesday, A little boy decided that he wanted the candy that I had, in an effort to get this he turned out the lights and shut the door to the room Dana, Myself and another little girl where in.
Being the genius I am, I thought he went outside and was holding the door in the main room. ^^'
Boy was I wrong. xD So I walked across the room quietly, and started reaching the lightswitch.
My hand ended up hitting his head lightly, He didn't notice that I had moved across the room, Thus scared the crap outta him, He opened the door screaming and ran away, the entire troop look at me, while I stood there with a 'wtf just happened' face. xD
I also got a /job/ on Friday. ^^
I now work at a treefarm.
Tonight was also amazing, I got into a poking war with Mason and he snuck a hug into the game. c: This was at the hike tonight. ^^
It's been a strange few weeks, I've been having depressed days, then days like today where I feel like I'm queen of the world(Mason making most of the good days good) xD
Seeing Amanda also makes me a million times better because we get along amazingly. xD
Am I the only one that now realizes what 'sugar high' means? I mean my parents said it, but we never talked about drugs in our household, so now that I'm older I'm like 'wow, they meant something else' xD
The guys aren't ignoring me any more.
I guess it is hard to ignore someone that plays dumb as well as myself.
I am really good at that, Playing dumb, I mean.
I think that by how innocent I've been acting lately, That the ones ignoring me think that I don't actually know what's going on. haha.
I do, I just prefer not to get stuck on it, I mean, if my mother would stop I don't know... fuelling the fire, I'd be alright with the 'evil ones'
I am really good at tolerating, and I just want the crew to be happy again.
But noooooo, mommy thinks I should defend myself, and make everyone else's lives hell.
Nope.
I want to go to Moab by myself, if she goes she'll likely ruin it for me. :/
The reason they are ignoring me is because she did her stupid 'Savannah feels...' thing.
I effing hate that. -.-
My best friend and sister even realize how unfair I get treated by my parents!
For crying out loud. >.<
Ohwell, My sister is being nice to me, mostly due to my dad leaving her at home, and now she wants her big sister back, THANK YOU PUBERTY, SHE IS OUT OF THE ANGRY-THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD-GIRL-THAT-HATES-EVERYTHING STAGE.
;a; I now get to be a role-model again. and she said she would not invade my Venture crew and steal my friends away, she wants her /own/ friends now. ^^
I would never kill myself, I just keep thinking about it.
I want to cry so badly, but if I cry, my parents will flip out, I don't want to have to bare an awkward conversation with my mom yelling at me again.
I want to talk to Mason, but he seems to be ignoring me.
I miss him so much, I just want to talk to him, talking to him makes everything better.
It's like a remedy, Every time I talk to him, everything is better, even for a little while, I sleep better after I talk to him.
I am obsessing over little things, like Adam deleting my suggestion for a cheer off of our FB page, I MADE that page, and he has taken it over.
I want to disappear.
I want to talk to Mason.
I want my parents to finally understand me.
I'm just going to pop in here and complain about not being allowed to have a puppy.
It is sort of a rant, I guess, I just need to complain to someone about it because my sister is getting a hamster soon.
For years, I have been asking and begging to get a puppy. But all I get is "No Savannah, You are not responsible enough for a puppy"
I have had two pets of my own in my life, a betta fish, who lived way past the average(He lived to be 2 years older than normal betta fish)
and a duck, I ended up giving him to my sister, then she had to give away all her animals.
Now, I should tell you, years ago, one time when we went to Kansas, my dad and aunt decided to get my younger sister an iguana.
They took both of us to the pet store, and let my little sister pick out an iguana, letting me look at all the other pets, where I ended up finding an adorable little puppy who fell asleep in my arms.
When I was told that my little sister would be getting a pet, and that I could not have one.
Do you know how being told that your little sister could get something that you also wanted but you couldn't have feels?
They also didn't tell my mom about it, I actually told her about this, not knowing that they where going to "surprise" her with it.
Again, I am too nice to people, to realize what they had done.
I wasn't allowed to have pets, but my irresponsible little sister could.
I wouldn't be allowed to have pets until years later, when they FINALLY decided to get me a betta fish.
Well, my little sister would hardly clean her iguana's cage, he ended up getting sick and dying.
Well, the next year, my betta passed away, after avoiding death several times(He liked to jump out of his tank, which we couldn't find a lid for)
So, my parents decided to get chickens, and to avoid my sister naming them all, They got us ducks.
I am not good with birds.
So my duck ended up being given to her.
Over the next few years(09-11)she got even more birds.
I kept asking for a puppy or a llama(We had horses, and llamas, but our llamas where a bit wild and all the babies where "family" pets)
No. Was always the answer.
Well we had to give away all of the pets besides the dog and cat.
My sister bugged dad for a hamster.
Guess who is going to get one in a few months?
I've been asking for a dog since forever.
But no.
Because I am "irresponsible".
But my little sister who won't clean cages, or properly feed/water animals can have whatever she wants.
