Hi, My name is Savannah, and I have issues.

I have issues with everything.

Depression.

My art.

Sadness.

Sleeping.

Eating.

Friends.

Food.

Loneliness.

Heights.

People.

Computers.

Music.

Animals.

Being Happy.

Making Friends.

Motivation.

Bullies.

Everything.

I am extremely depressed right now, 

I keep thinking of killing myself.

I would never kill myself, I just keep thinking about it.

I want to cry so badly, but if I cry, my parents will flip out, I don't want to have to bare an awkward conversation with my mom yelling at me again.
I want to talk to Mason, but he seems to be ignoring me. 

I miss him so much, I just want to talk to him, talking to him makes everything better.
It's like a remedy, Every time I talk to him, everything is better, even for a little while, I sleep better after I talk to him.

I am obsessing over little things, like Adam deleting my suggestion for a cheer off of our FB page, I MADE that page, and he has taken it over.

I want to disappear.
I want to talk to Mason.
I want my parents to finally understand me.

I drew this, if anyone cares.

No Savannah You are not allowed to be happy

That is what I think the universe is trying to tell me.

My family forgets I exist until they need me to do something.

They leave me at the house, Go get breakfast at the diner, get lunch at lunch time, well leaving me at our house, That has almost no food in it.

And we can't cook in the house or else it gets too hot, so I can't make anything.

I am hungry, tired and feel utterly alone.

I only have three friends I feel I can rely on, 'sept one lives in GA, one is a guy that my parents don't really want to approve of.

And the other one my parents don't want over here so they don't have to explain my sisters behavior.

I want to disappear.  

~Savannah

Lonely.

You know that feeling of being rejected?

That is how I feel everyday.

My good friend, Says he doesn't just call people "friends"

Not like I do.

I call everyone and anyone a "friend"

Even if they insult me, If they stab me in the back.

If they ditch me, if they make plans to hang out without me, right in front of me.

If they hurt me, if they just don't like what I like.

I still do.

Even if I met them online.

 

I don't even get why I call everyone a friend.

All they do is reject me.

I started planning an event, for some friends of mine, almost a month ahead of the date.

Now this event is on Sunday, and I only have  one or two people showing up.

I want to cry, since I had thought everyone who was commenting on it was coming, they had all said they would.

But, they didn't.

I already knew that my best friend couldn't come, due to it being on a Sunday.

This happens on my birthday too, every year, even though I always invite the same group at the same time.

Most of them make plans.

People go out of their way to avoid me.

I just want some real "friends"

Some real people to want to hang out somewhere with ME.

Is that too much to ask for?

I know I am being whiny, and annoying, you have no reason to read this.

You should just stop coming here anyways.

Don't read, not if you don't want to.

Leave me, everyone else does.

I am probably this way because of my childhood.

Yup.

No one ever paid attention to me in dance, I had no real friends there.

My dad doesn't like me.

and most of my life my mom has been to busy with my sister to pay attention to me.

Also calling your daughter worthless is a big help, really dad.

Avoiding her too, that helped a ton dad.

I want to curl up in a small ball and cry.

I don't know how to stop hoping though.

Stop thinking "Someone must love me, right?"

Stop whining

Stop whining

Stop whining.

Nobody likes whiners.

I should stop writing, but it is my only way to vent.

I hate burdening people with my problems.

Probably the reason I don't say all of this in real life.

Goodbye for now.

~MewMew{Savannah}