Fool.

I made a total fool out of myself tonight.

Now he probably thinks I am a <Insert word for female dog here>.

All because, 

#1. I was mad at our stupid internet tower for being blocked by the rain.

#2. I was upset over spilling flour on myself and one of my favourite shirts.

#3. My stupid cell phone is a failphone and wouldn't receive the texts right.

#4. Facebook texting me this "  , H F 2" everytime.

I thought facebook was someone spamming me, so my semi-rude replies to the texts actually went to facebook, to the status he was commenting on, where I acted like a jerk.

I hate myself, because I really really hoped he'd want to become my friend.

Now it is ruined.

And I doubt he'll even show up at class now ):

Why am I such a failure?

Nevermind, don't comment, I don't want to sound like a whiner, so leave my blog, act like you never saw this.

Goodnight.

~MewMew(Savannah)

Lonely.

You know that feeling of being rejected?

That is how I feel everyday.

My good friend, Says he doesn't just call people "friends"

Not like I do.

I call everyone and anyone a "friend"

Even if they insult me, If they stab me in the back.

If they ditch me, if they make plans to hang out without me, right in front of me.

If they hurt me, if they just don't like what I like.

I still do.

Even if I met them online.

 

I don't even get why I call everyone a friend.

All they do is reject me.

I started planning an event, for some friends of mine, almost a month ahead of the date.

Now this event is on Sunday, and I only have  one or two people showing up.

I want to cry, since I had thought everyone who was commenting on it was coming, they had all said they would.

But, they didn't.

I already knew that my best friend couldn't come, due to it being on a Sunday.

This happens on my birthday too, every year, even though I always invite the same group at the same time.

Most of them make plans.

People go out of their way to avoid me.

I just want some real "friends"

Some real people to want to hang out somewhere with ME.

Is that too much to ask for?

I know I am being whiny, and annoying, you have no reason to read this.

You should just stop coming here anyways.

Don't read, not if you don't want to.

Leave me, everyone else does.

I am probably this way because of my childhood.

Yup.

No one ever paid attention to me in dance, I had no real friends there.

My dad doesn't like me.

and most of my life my mom has been to busy with my sister to pay attention to me.

Also calling your daughter worthless is a big help, really dad.

Avoiding her too, that helped a ton dad.

I want to curl up in a small ball and cry.

I don't know how to stop hoping though.

Stop thinking "Someone must love me, right?"

Stop whining

Stop whining

Stop whining.

Nobody likes whiners.

I should stop writing, but it is my only way to vent.

I hate burdening people with my problems.

Probably the reason I don't say all of this in real life.

Goodbye for now.

~MewMew{Savannah}

Divorce.

My Parents are getting divorced.

Then End.

I wish you'd notice me.

I tend to get ditched/left behind/forgotten.

a lot of the time.

I mean I watched some "friends" make plans to go to dinner in front of me, then walk off, I was about a foot away from one of them, hoping to talk to her.

I had some "friends" make plans to hang out(without me) for the weekend.

On my facebook wall.

I got left behind a lot at camp.

I have been ditched.

I have had "friends" invite me over, then invite other friends over, and tell me to go home.

So on the rare occasion that someone remembers me, and acts like I am a person,

They end up living in another state, or don't have time for me to see them.

My own family does it.

and example from last night.

Mom:"Mackenzie, what do you want for dinner?"

Mackenzie:"Something light, I'm not very hungry."

Mom calls dad.

Mom:"What would you like?"(she is on the phone to dad)

Mom:"okay" walks back inside the house, not even bothering to look at me.

This is why I constantly wonder why I am even here.

I have no propose.

MewMewSensei(Savannah)

Hey.

I am not perfect.

I cannot sing nor play an instrument.

I fail at math.

I have a few friends.

I like different music than most of the world.

I cannot hold a grudge, unless I really feel hurt.

I smile to hide the fact that

My World is falling apart.

I wish someone would see me

Falling.

Falling.

Falling.

I write things on my arms, that aren't nice about myself.

I don't tell people about what's going on.

I don't want to burden you.

I want you to treat me how you feel about me.

I fantasize about a better place.

I think of what I can say to those who are hurting me.

I cannot say anything to their faces.

Someone did make me feel wanted, for once.

But I cannot tell him that.

I would probably end up mute.

and alone.

But I am alone, in a sense.

Always have been, I guess.

Alone.

Alone in a world of my thoughts.

I trip.

I catch myself.

I don't cry in front of you.

I smile.

I cry alone.

alone.

Or under those huge sunglasses I love so much.

I don't want you to see the tears.

I do.

I don't.

I do.

I want someone to hang out with.

Someone to tell me, that I am okay.

That I am not alone.

I want to cry in front of you.

Tell you what is going on.

But I cannot.

Not until you realize how much you mean to me.

How much the few times you've looked out for me.

The girl who spazzes out.

The girl who didn't realize the guy was flirting with her.

You helped me when everyone else walked on by.

You noticed I am new to this.

That I am not "strong"

That maybe someone should help the new girl.

You stayed when everyone else left me behind.

Most of the time.

I try to hide the fact I get left out.

Left behind.

I want to thank you anyways, if you even read this.

I cannot wait to see you again.

I hope you want to become friends.

~MewMewSensei(Savannah)

Camp at Bear lake! -Late post- Day Two (2/7)

(Sorry if it gets confusing or I say something out of order)

After waking up and refusing hot chocolate(I only did this on Monday)

We went to breakfast, after I spent ten minutes trying to wake up Acacia(How do people sleep so soundly? I wake up at the slightest noise)

I remember Monday's breakfast was waffles and fake eggs, 

I cannot eat fake eggs, mainly since I have been eating farm fresh eggs for over three years now.

I remember that I tripped for something and one of my waffles fell onto the floor, Justin told me it was safe to eat and then tried to dump the waffles he didn't want on my plate(I can hardly eat very much anyways, why do this?)

After breakfast, one of the staff showed us where the female staff showers are.

Then we had our own flag ceremony, since Monday's was canceled.

I cannot remember what we had for lunch(blondeblondeblonde)

But I am pretty sure that was when the games before meals started.

First we sing a song, then one troop says the prayer, that troop gets to be first in line.

Then they will ask the SPLs for objects or have a kid from each troop do something like, dance, stand on their hands, ect.

Whichever troop wins that round gets to get in line.

After lunch I had Archery 1.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love archery?

Plus the instructors where nice.

They are, Talon, Fisher, and Josh.

Talon ran the range while Fisher and Josh did the building arrows and bowstrings part.

Talon was probably my favourite out of the BLAB staff, he was nice to everyone.

After Archery 1, we had free time until dinner, 

dinner and every meal after it also had the game things, which I thought was fun.

Then we had the Opening ceremony at the Campfire Bowl.

The staff performed skits and then they retired a flag, after that we went back to camp, and played Mafia, 

I didn't start playing until the middle of the game.

Yet they still hung me!

Then Chris was killed(It was like the whole troop was out to get him!)

Well, after that we went to bed.

Later that night, Gavin was coughing his head off, Acacia was yelling from her tent for him to get his inhaler.

He ignored her, then finally she gets up, then tells me to get up and help.

We got his inhaler from Tonya, 

When we went over to William and his tent, they wouldn't answer.

If it had just been Gavin's tent, Acacia would have opened the door, but since he was sharing with William, we got Justin, who was next to them.

Justin starts complaining that his pants where on backwards, then he opens his door, forgetting that the screen was still there, and ran straight into it(I couldn't quit laughing, he reminded me so much of when some of our chickens got stuck in a small building that had a glass door)

Justin was angry and threw the inhaler at Gavin's face...

Then we went back to bed.

~MewMewSensei(Savannah)

Camp at Bear lake! -Late post- Day One(1/7)

I am back!

I got back Saturday afternoon xD

Well, on to the stories.

Bear lake is amazing, I wish I had a camera, but I might be able to steal some photos from the leaders later.

Sunday was driving there, eight hours in a car with Travis, Kevin and Acacia, Travis's mom, Teresa drove.

Travis is awesome and super nice, he is also a genius with computers and iPods.

Kevin is nice, he plays soccer and is going to Europe to play in some youth thing.

Kevin is also SPL(Senior Patrol Leader) meaning he was in charge of everyone.

Acacia, I've known since I was eight... she is a friend, but she claims to be my best friend(That is Amanda's spot!)

Well the drive there was nice, I got in the best car, people wise.

Seeing as Justin likes to pick on me(man, oh man, do I have a way to embarrass him!) 

For a while we just sat awkwardly, then finally we started talking.

We stopped at a small gas station to fill up the car and for the other boys(from the other two cars) to get snacks and drinks.

There where seventeen kids altogether! 

Fifteen boys and two girls.

I had brought a tiny cooler filled with snacks and two vitamin waters.

But I bought something with sugar in it anyways.

So after we leave for the road, I showed Kevin the picture I drew of him three weeks before.

I am pretty sure he thought(thinks) I am a stalker.

Then, I found out.

Travis.Reads.Manga.

This made me super happy, seeing as at Spring Camporee(Travis and Kevin didn't go) the boys where making fun of me for being an otaku.

We went to lunch at Arby's at about two or three o'clock.

Gaah am I a slow eater!

I almost got left behind!

Well, Acacia wouldn't eat.

Then while we where in the car, she dug around in my snack bag, finding the small packets of Chips Ahoy I had.

She ate one, then when we stopped for gas again, ran in and grabbed a hot dog.

Well, about an hour and fifteen minutes later.

We where at our campsite!

Sadly, BLAB wouldn't supply our food Sunday night, so after pitching(First time pitching my brand spank'n new tent and first time pitching a tent by myself) our tents and setting up camp, we drove fifteen minutes into Lake Town, where we ate at this little burger place, we had some great burgers and shakes, then after cleaning, we went back to camp, after staying up until almost twelve, everyone kind of got to sleep.

Justin's group stayed up at talked in there tent and made Bob so mad.

Well, that is that for day one.

~MewMewSensei(Savannah)